I'm pretty sleepy lately.
It was my birthday a little over a week ago and I like to avoid it as much as possible. I like to or used to celebrate all the little things in life, but when I was down n out, I couldn't and then got out of the habit. This year, since I loathe the club scene (am all about the concerts man), I made some delicious cookies for my office and they also arranged for a cheesecake (yum) and lil present for me. So nice. And, I had a not so quiet dinner with friends at one of my favorite restaurants.
One year, I remember I was on an MTV top 100 videos of the year countdown. I was number 16. My clip was me blowing out the candles of a birthday cake as the light faded to U2's With or Without You. That was an excellent birthday celebration even though it wasn't on my birthday. I also met Weird Al. I thought that was pretty nifty. Random thought. A good one though.
Anyway, this year's celebration was just what I wanted. Good food, good friends, good dessert and some white, hot candle wax dripping down....wait...WHAT?!
Oh no, they didn't-said Keren, the queen negotiator.Oh Waiter......yes. Why are you trying to kill us? we are so very sorry. we will pay for the dry cleaning of the coat....But what else do we get for my friend nearly being killed by a candle on her birthday (did I mention queen wheedler?)?
ahhh. a beautiful bottle of champagne and extra dessert. Perfect. More giggles and raunch. Great night.
Next day I woke up petrified, worried what was to become of me. 35 and single. Egad said Hiram.. society's kiss of death. Ignore ignore ignore. Sometimes positive thinking works and sometimes you want to stand next to a running subway car and scream your head off (I'm from NY. The subway is VERY loud. So loud that on a frustrating workday, as the train pulls out, you can scream or sing off key at the top of your lungs for 5 -7 glorious seconds and no one will hear you or think it is a bit weird). I shook off the mood creeping up and ran out with Ruby. We were meeting some other friends to have mini-my-birthday-as-a-good excuse-to-meet time. Fun and nice.
After that, was busy working and re-assessing my life. Past, present, future. I managed to thoroughly freak myself out. It started out as a calm feeling, followed by some flutters in my tummy.Later in the week, pms reared her unforgiving head and I felt like...well like caca. So, I decided, best not to post for a few days until it passes.
I took a few steps back, cried a bit (we have all been there people), took many deep breaths and hung out with my best pals who let me vent, made me laugh (ahem, Hiram) and adore me and my quirks. Few days of cocooning, eating low fat microwave popcorn (I watch myself no matter what. A couple of grey days is one thing. A couple of grey days that make my jeans tighter? eh eh. I don't think so.) and cuddling and taking long walks with Ruby. Also, a few late night calls to some friends for some..er...stronger venting.
All in all, I felt better but exhausted. Going out more, worrying, pms and lowering my coffee and sugar intake- over the past weeks had all caught up with me in a single ball. But- it passed and here I am, keyboard to screen, once again.
I will say having my besties- near and far, around me, there is nothing better than that (except for what we discussed at dinner- now that is mucccch better.;)