Sunday, February 27, 2011

Intuition VS. Premonition

Do you know what the difference is between intuition and premonition?  I do. Theoretically I do.

The dictionary defines INTUITION as a "knowledge or belief obtained neither by reason nor by perception; an instinctive knowledge or belief." whereas PREMONITION is defined as "as intuition of a future occurrence".

Clearly closely related. Intuition- you just have an immediate flash about something right here, right now. Premonition- a flash in a dream or through an intuitive thought about the future.

For the last 2 years, I was very disappointed with myself,  I would ask my friends and family their opinion on decisions and they would ask me "what does your intuition or gut tell you?" and I had no response. I felt like my intuition and premonitions has left me and I was left to depend on other people for what my gut used to tell me.  I felt abandoned by my own self.

When  I was younger, I had premonitions through dreams or flashes. They came to me here and there but I never knew when.  The premonitions usually came as a flash.

When I was little, I was obsessed with the idea that one of my parents might die and I didn't understand how that was a possible occurrence, I had nightmares about it.  I asked my mother about it.  My younger brother Donny and I would take turns entering my parents closet, sitting on the floor and talking to god about it- discussions about both our parents living.  I was, I guess about 5 or 6.  A little after that, my dad started getting sick, then sicker and then, more regularly, eventually spending almost 2 straight years in the the hospital before dying of MDS (Pre-Leukemia).  I guess, somewhere in both of us (my brother and I), we always knew our life trajectory did not involve 2 parents, long before the path to it occurred.  Children are so unconsciously aware, I think their abilities are much sharper but they understand them less. Or maybe not.  I was, of course, devastated when my father did die, but I was never SURPRISED by the fact that is happened in actuality.  I think in a strange way, I made peace with it long before it happened.

My childhood cat-Pokey (after the horse from Gumby and Pokey) a gift for my 16th birthday, was about 12 years old- late middle age for a cat- and I decided to make the move from living in an apartment with a roommate for 4+ years to my first 'adult' apartment, a one bedroom on the 4th floor of a rickety and very old brownstone.  As I carried Pokey over the threshold of the building, I got a flash "this will be her last home".  I tried to ignore this thought that entered into my mind in bright, hot pink, flashing neon. But, I knew it was true.  About 9 months into the contract, I decided I wanted to move to Israel a year later, so I planned to move in, once again with a roommate so I could save more.  I felt in a way relieved that the premonition was wrong. Pokey moved with me to the new apartment.  3 months later, she died of lung tumors- something she did not have at the time I moved.  I am pretty sure it was a year to the week I moved.  So, I fooled the premonition geographically but not on time encompassed in that one year contract.

Before all my best friends announced they were pregnant their first time around, I always knew beforehand.  I don't know if it was the subtle change in their eyes guarding their secret carefully though the first trimesters trials or an intuitive flash while awake or via a dream.

In Israel, at my first job, we had a training session for all new employees. There were about 30 people I had met or seen once or twice. I looked every one over- just to explore all the new faces around me.  During one break, this extremely tiny woman and I started casually speaking for about 2 minutes when I asked her when she was due.  She looked at me shocked.  'How did you know'?  She was 3 months along and had not even told her family she was pregnant yet. She was so thin, she had no bump, I had never met her before. I just...knew.  And I told her that.  People in Israel understand intuition and premonitions as well as breathing air, so my answer of "I just knew" was met without question.   But lately I just felt unable to tell the difference between, intuition, premonition or intense inner dialogue.  So, I felt dependent on others to be my mirrors to make decisions.  Not fun. I like to make my own decisions, but I just felt nothing. I was reaching, but it was all inner dialogue,thoughts I was willing to be true, nothing more.  It's a very weak place to be where you doubt your own thoughts and judgments.

I spent some time working with a medium- 3 months actually.  She is fairly amazing with eyes so brown, they are black and while most walk around with empty eyes, hers were so full the black of her eyes were a solid black. Impossible to penetrate and read but so full there was a ring of peace around her that radiated.  Actually, "L" was my Grinburg Method therapist- touch and talking together.  After any physical trauma, physical work on the body to "rejoin" the physical and spiritual need to be reconnected.  It's a very interesting metaphysical journey.  To some, it is hooha. To me, it was time spent with a therapist giving both my mind and body a deep reawakening and reconnection to myself.

Over the last year or so, since working with L, and on my own, I have come back to myself and recently, the last few months, I have felt no premonitions at all- which to me is fine since they were like everyone else's, never scheduled and not under my control, they happen when they happen. But my intuition- my intuition has started whispering to me again.  I feel it when I get an immediate read on people and know everything I need to know. I don't know everything, I just pick up, something, as it pertains to how it might affect me.  It's unbelievably comforting and comfortable.  Intuition makes it easy to walk the other way, to say no and allow peoples thoughts and opinions to roll over and off me when my intuition reminds me that in some ways- no one else can know better for me than me.
In the meantime, I am loving the very strong reconnection with myself and intuition. Cheesy ending to this long thought, but- my Ipod is now playing a snippet of "Royale with Cheese" from Pulp Fiction and I am laughing too write....more...

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