Tuesday, November 3, 2009

como agua para chocolate

Red is getting married Thursday. She isn't converting to judaism so the wedding ceremony will be a mix of the standard jewish ceremony under the chuppah-taking place in Jaffe- with some variations. Instead of the traditional 7 blessings of marriage- she and B will use the first and last blessing. The 5 in between will be replaced by 5 people each bestowing a personal blessing to the bride and groom. I was asked to be one of those people. I feel honored but so very sad. My own engagement broke off months ago and my heart hasn't really healed. This is the first real party I am going to since my heart shattered into a million shards of sadness. And it's a wedding. And I need to speak. I have spent hours looking over love quotes, love songs and anything the web had to offer on love. I come up with nothing. And I cannot even have a glass of champagne before to calm my nerves because I am a cheap date.

Ad-my British pal- suggested I speak from the heart. Too many cracks. I'd be too afraid my sadness, my own longing for Y would seep into my words and fill the guests will my longing and cause others to be sad-and ruin the wedding- a la Tita's tears in "Like Water for Chocolate". I nixed his idea in the bud.

But- 2 days before the wedding and I have nothing on paper- except for pieces of sad songs and excerpts of poetry that I wish for Y to hear to induce the desire to breathe his songs into my ears again.